During an otherwise low-key weekend, I happened to catch the movie “Coach Carter” on cable. For those of you who have not seen the movie, it is based on the true story of Ken Carter who coached the Richmond CA boy’s basketball team and received both praise and criticism for putting academics above athletics. At various times during the movie Coach Carter (played by Samuel L. Jackson) would ask his players, “What is your deepest fear? They would look at each other in bewilderment about what this crazy coach could be asking. In one poignant scene toward the end of the film, one of his players stands up in study hall and finally answers the Coach’s question:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us¦ Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you… 

This excerpt is a quote of Marianne Williamson. (Apparently this quote has been incorrectly attributed to the inaugural speech of Nelson Mandela.)

This quote really hits home for me. My friend and colleague, Linda Houden says that fear simply stands for “False Evidence Appearing Real. So what false evidence perpetuates our deepest fear “that we are powerful beyond measure?

Perhaps it is the messages that we received as children from parents or relatives that we weren’t good enough, or that we’d never amount to anything. Maybe we had a coach or teacher point out our flaws. (I once had a coach that told me I had deceptive speed , that I was slower than I looked. We actually laughed about this because (a) it was true and (b) I worked hard to compensate for it.) However, I not so sure these disparaging words are the culprit. There are people with whom I grew up and many whom I’ve met since who after hearing these words – did consider them as “false evidence and took an “I’ll show you attitude and made something of themselves.

I think it is something else. It is not fear of failure that plagues us. It is the fear of success. Over the past several years, I have noticed more and more people in organizations , for that matter, in any walk of life , who seemed to be afraid to succeed. They just have not yet seen how competent they really are and what they can accomplish. For some reason, their power scares them. It gets put away, never to show its face again. Perhaps there is a feeling that if their power scares them, it will scare others. What about the possibility of letting our power shine through in a way that helps others play better. As the quote says, “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” In reality, each one of us has a gift (or two) that we can put to the greater good of the world. The intensity of the power may scare us , but overcoming that deepest fear can be the best way to make a difference for all.

A friend remarks to the prophet, “Why is it
I get screwed in business deals?
It’s like a spell. I become distracted
by business talk and make wrong decisions.

Muhammad replies, “Stipulate with every transaction
that you need three days to make sure.

Deliberation is one of the qualities of God.
Throw a dog a bit of something.
He sniffs to see if he wants it.

Be that careful.
Sniff with your wisdom nose.
Get clear. Then decide.

The above passage is an excerpt from a longer poem by the 13th century Sufi mystic Jalaluddin Rumi that poet Coleman Barks brought to life in the Bill Moyer’s PBS series The Language of Life. Here are some thoughts for you to consider.

Our culture values decisiveness in our leaders. However, I think that there is a balance needed between acting too impulsively and succumbing to analysis paralysis and delaying a decision way too long. If we take this sage advice literally, it is suggesting simply to use three days to get clear and then decide. Certainly there are decisions that need to be made immediately because of the uncertainty and complexity of the world in which we live. However, three days , seventy-two hours , is a blip in time in the lifecycle of organizational life. Taking the time to deliberate may open the possibility of clarity in the situation that can lead to a course of action that builds commitment on the part of everyone who needs to implement the decision.

One more thing about deliberation. The simple act of deliberating slows us down and again can open the possibility of seeing a situation in a new way or even calming our racing minds so that we can actually make a better decision , or live more in tune with others. I live in an area of Albuquerque called the North Valley. It is a wonderful bucolic setting in the center of the city populated by groves of cottonwoods. It has small horse and live stock farms, vegetable fields that local growers tend, and a wonderful system of trails that border the irrigation ditches that bring water from the Rio Grande to these small farms and vineyards. Rio Grande Boulevard meanders from the northern border of the North Valley all the way to downtown. It is a peaceful drive that also provides a breathtaking view of the Sandia Mountains that border Albuquerque on the east. A neighbor of mine takes Rio Grande Boulevard to work each day rather than using a more speedy route. Why? Because it affords the opportunity to slow down, to be more deliberate about the day. How much longer does this commute take? Five minutes. So it seems to me the benefit of deliberation more than outweighs its cost. Do you agree?

After a number of coaching sessions yesterday, I stopped by Page One , an independent bookstore in Albuquerque, NM.  While standing in the check out line, I noticed a rack of refrigerator magnets that had various inspirational quotes.  One by Carol Shields caught my eye:

“Go for long walks, indulge in hot baths, question your assumptions, be kind to yourself, live for the moment, loosen up, scream, curse the world, count your blessings, just let go, just be.

A common theme that I am hearing not only from clients, but also from some of my friends who are going through various transitions or dealing with difficult issues is the internal “should conversation as in “I should do this or I should do that.  When I ask, is the particular “should working for you, I usually hear a resounding “No!

After my wife Maureen died, I really wanted to sell our house because it was not the same living there without her. Just about all family and friends recited the mantra to me that “you SHOULD NOT make any major change in your life for at least a year. One exception was the facilitator of the grief support group I attended.  He told the story of a man who also wanted to sell his house right after his wife died.  After his family gave him the same “should statement, he got out a calendar and started crossing off each day and noting the “days remaining before I can sell my house.  When he reached the end of the year, he said to his family “are you happy I waited, I’m not. And he sold his house.  The point of the story was that he was psychologically ready to make the move long before what conventional wisdom said he should do.

For a lot of situations, we get constrained by assumptions, out-moded norms, and what other people tell us we should be doing.  So take a hot bath after your long walk and question those assumptions , in fact, try questioning everything.